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20130318
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, a gitmo inmate faces trial. or has a birthday party. not sure, it was redacted. then, john kerry is the new secretary of state. or the pressure has really taken a toll on hillary clinton. [laughter] and my guest paola antonelli is a curator at the museum of modern art. i'll ask her to exit through the gift shop. [laughter] it's chuck hagel's first day as secretary of defense. tomorrow we start the two-month confirmation process for his second day of work. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, good to have you with us. please, sit down. [cheers and applause] folks, we have to do the show. [cheers and applause] folks -- [cheers and applause] if you watch this program, and i certainly hope that you do, you know that if nothing else i'm a company man. and i could not be prouder that this show is a profitmaking tsunami for my parent company viacom. [laught
't allow it. >> i want to ask but something else that happened today john boehner using colorful language. >> use of the word ass, that word ass. >> get off his ass. >> use of the word like that inappropriate or fine? >> coming out of the ass. >> of the ass. [laughter] >> jon: he said ass. (bleep). [cheers and applause] i'm sorry but when did the tough edged corporate media become such delicate flowers. oh, you said the word regret and i'm afraid for my life and now that dreadful orange man is speaking in vulgarities. send me the smelling salts so i can shove them up my ass. for godsakes this is elderly mormon harry reid's reaction. >> i was raised in a little town that had 13 brothels in it so i'm used to some pretty salty language. >> jon: admit it, when he started with raised in, you were thinking district mormon household or an era that was more civil. but he was when i was a kid it was all whorehouses. it was just ass, assass, you feel me, right? maybe my favorite treatment is how our friend as the a certain morning show dealt wit. >> we should not have to move a third bill when the
of trouble and danger for our country, who will put our country first? [crowd responds john mccain] >> jon: they just shouted something at him. that's right john mccain doesn't have time, graham, for your cheap political games. he will get this train back on track like the straight talk express. >> i do not believe we should move forward with this nomination until questions are answered that senator graham and senator ayotte and i have asked to be answered. [laughter] >> jon: what the hell. sorry but it's hard to take your tenacity on benghazi as honest fact finding given, mr. mccain, some of your past history on the subject. >> mccain did not april tend the classified briefing on benghazi yesterday. >> he was having a press conference calling for the select committee complaining about not getting enough information. >> jon: mr. mccain here is the information you requested. not now, can't you see i'm busy demanding the information you have in your hand and are attempting to give to me. and get off my lawn you son of a -- [laughter] senator mccain what the hell is going on here? >> we've ha
the words fry station, please. >> i was a speechwriter for john kerry in his 2004 campaign. >> stephen: obama stole you. >> he didn't steal me. the campaign ended in 2004. john kerry did not win. >> stephen: what? >> spoiler alert. >> stephen: then you started working for the president? >> i did. >> stephen: were you involved in the 2004 speech he did atñr e convention? you wrote a lot of his speeches after that. >> i did. >> stephen: that's kind of heart breaking because not only does the guy use a prompter he is not writing the words in the prompter. please, please tell me he at least flies air force one. >> he does not. but he writes a lot of his own speeches. we worked together. it's a collaborative process. >> stephen: kind of, guys like you, you and the president same level. [ laughter ] now, what is the process like? do you say mr. president, i have things that i think would be go to say or does he say you know what i'm thinking teachersers ae good and hope is good and let's make things better, socialize medicine put some lipstick on the pig. what is the process? >> sit down wi
mind meld two completely different things. john boehner referred to taxation as theft which shows that the lacks understand of constitution which was is he in charge. i wonder which gets more attention. >> president obama getting the wrath of sci-fi fans. >> saying there was no jedi mind meld. >> the president seemed to confuse the mind meld with star wars jedi mind trick. this is jedi saj relidge. >> did he mess up, didn't he? >> jon: speaker of the house said taxing people stealing. if there's ever a fact you don't need to check it's anything to do with star wars or star trek iflt will be check. here is a shot of twitter's server one second after obama said it. >> do a jedi mind meld. [explosion] [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> jon: but -- they really have to fix that flaw in the design of death star. the president in speaker boehner's statements we get a hibt of why the sequester is happening. the penalty for not finding a way to balance revenue and spending consists of cuts in spending. how do republicans feel about cuts in spending. we want to reduce the size of governmen
, long johns-- pow! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. journalist stephen brism he is the author of atime magazine cover story on what sailing our health care system. it turns out our health care system has price cancer and no insurance. [laughter] we've been discussing this week on the program how republicans led by senators lindsey graham and salty mccain are holding up the nominees for the defense and c.i.a. until the senators get the information on what happened in benghazi including who changed the talking points susan rice used on the sunday morning shows so we can be sure no americans are harmed again by the talking points. >> whatever was said based on information provided by the intelligence community on a series of sunday shows bears no relevance on the ultimate questions of what happened in benghazi. there's an obvious political obsession over a series of
overseas we're going to make life more difficult for john brennan. >> jon: that's a wiseguy like. nice nominee you got there be a shame if something happened to him, mr. president. this might be a good time to remind democrats that the president has a drone program with ambiguous restraints and murky legal justification. this is all for naught. i'm sure he will share the drone e-mails. he pretty much said so a week and a half ago. >> in the months ahead i'll continue to engage congress to ensure not only that our targeting, detention and prosecution of terrorists remains consistent with our laws and system of check and balances but that our efforts are more transparent to the american people and to the world. >> jon: starting with our nuclear codes. 4-13-8 -- now, some americans want to change the codes. he will be asked the security question what hospital were you born in? it's me and the answer, of course, nairobi memorial. wait, hold on! so -- the republicans want information on the benghazi attack which the white house says is pointless. the democrat s wan to know the legal justifi
the signers of decoration of independence under the same logic. i believe if john hancock signed the i wish our tea was cheaper. can you imagine what it must be like to work with that guy? we'll be right back with >> jon: here we go. [cheers and applause] welcome back. my guest tonight she's a former supreme court justice, was the first woman to serve on our supreme court. the new book is called out of order, stories from the history of the supreme court. please welcome back to the program justice sandra day o'connor. nice to see you. >> glad to be here. >> jon: the book is called "out of order." what was your purpose in this book, in putting this particular book together? >> telling the stories about how the court works and giving people a glimpse into some of the things. >> jon: it's hard to imagine the pressure that a justice might feel when you are dealing with as we talked about earlier some of the biggest issues of our day. >> yes. >> jon: of racism and discrimination and the franchise. >> right. >> jon: does that weight -- do you feel that when you are deciding those cases? >> you ce
there is: impatience. [laughter] it reminds me of john f. kennedy's famous speech about putting a man on the moon, "we choose to go the moon not because it is easy-- but come on, it's got to be easy, right? let's just do it already. just strap a rocket to some guy's back. jeesh!" [laughter] [cheers and applause] be warned folks. this 501-day round-trip flyby is not for the faint of heart because there will be no showers, limits on toilet paper and clothing, drinking water made from the crew members' recycled urine and sweat and almost no privacy. in other words, basically a carnival cruise. [laughter] [cheers and applause] still -- still. being the first human to orbit the red planet is a memory you'll never forget, that is, until the radiation from the sun accelerates the onset of alzheimer's disease. [laughter] which explains neil armstrong's famous words, "that's one small step for man-- that's one small step for man." [laughter] fortunately, there is a plan to deal with the harmful radiation-- the astronauts will use a poop shield to block cosmic rays, where human waste could be s
Search Results 0 to 29 of about 30 (some duplicates have been removed)